as i was recently awaiting a doctor's appointment, i picked up The Atlantic magazine, and stumbled across this very interesting article about singleness/marriage and the idea of "settling" being a good idea; settling being the act of essentially not being so picky and choosing a mate based on the ability to raise a family together, not based on romantic idealisms. i had never heard this type of theory - about simply settling when you have the chance and not passing up some good-enough opportunities while they still last. read the article here and i also posted some quotes below to pique your interest...very interesting concepts for those who are single and really interesting for those who are already married.
"When we’re holding out for deep romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier. But marrying Mr. Good Enough might be an equally viable option, especially if you’re looking for a stable, reliable life companion."
"Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way."
"I don’t mean to say that settling is ideal. I’m simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap."
3 comments:
This was a really interesting article. I appreciated the honesty of it. Thanks!
I find this very interesting, and really not all that untrue.
I think that so often we have this "ideal" of what marriage is or is supposed to be. Sorry folks, but it's never quite that perfect. It's real. You have to make real decisions. You have to do real adult things. There is definitely going to be conflict - I refuse to believe any married couple who tells me otherwise.
It sort of makes sense that we make sure we marry someone who we can "do business" with.
***Luckily, Ry and I work together fine...most of the time :)
I am with Dr. Turtle...I can see this being valid. I like how they used the word partnership!
I just talked about this with my sister a couple weeks ago. You have to work everyday to make your relationship work. Somedays are way easier then others, but the fact remains - it isn't always easy & it is definatly not always passionate. If you pick someone for the pure idea of passion or romance and don't look at the obvious traits like can you live with them, can you raise a family with them, can you make sound finacial decisions, do they have the same goals...then the passion doesn't really matter.
However, I don't think you should just settle for the sake of settling because you may be getting "older". I think there has to be a comprimise between our romantic "fantasies" and reality.
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